MAP's Head of Therapeutic Services, Tonia Mihill, reflects on ideas of empathy and growth in relation to Carl Rogers' 'Person-Centred' approach to counselling.
As well as being Head of Therapeutic Services, I am a counsellor trained in the Person-Centred approach developed by Carl Rogers (1902-1987), as are a number of MAP staff members.
Carl Rogers believed that we all have what he termed an ‘actualising tendency’, that is, a will to grow. Through observation and experiment, he began to question the kind of psychological help designed to diagnose illness and delve into disorders.
In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?
In answer to this rephrased question, he unearthed three main elements:
- Empathy -Really understanding another’s realities
- Congruence -Offering a genuine presence and honest responses.
- Unconditional Positive Regard -Valuing of who someone is now.
I love this approach because it allows me to fully respect each unique, multi-dimensional human being I meet. Rather than presume I can tell anyone what’s wrong with them, my role is to provide the right conditions to enable them to discover how best to take positive steps forward.
As no one else can know how we perceive, we are the best experts on ourselves.
Evidence tells us that these conditions work. And Carl Rogers’ approach is used not just in therapy but in many professions and situations that require good working relationships to be built. Carl wrote about his approach as ‘a way of being’.
We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.